Mothering the Mother: the art of postpartum care

Mothering The Mother

The Art Of Postpartum Care

When we are pregnant, we carry our baby inside our bodies like a cocoon. We know that their life line is our own body, so we take care of that body by feeding ourselves good things, balancing exercise and rest, and basically taking every piece of advise we can on how to make our baby’s home as perfect a place as it can be. 

Then we give birth, and the blur of continuing care begins, only this time, we often abandon our own bodies for the sake of our new child. This can feel sacrificial, and right because of how much we love our baby, but in reality it is a stark contrast to the way we chose to love our babies during pregnancy. 

This should lead us to consider… what do our babies need of us during those first months, and even more importantly, what do we as mothers need? 

Shouldn’t a mother have what’s called a “fourth trimester” just as her newborn baby does? The fact that her body still keeps her baby alive hasn’t changed, it’s just evolved into something that meets the baby’s current needs. Somehow, we have forgotten that the slow, thoughtful, and loving care we offer our newborn babies should extend to the mother as well. 

There is a window of time after a woman gives birth that is small, and precious. It is the threshold of her future health, and an opportunity to heal chronic or lifelong conditions permanently. If woman are neglected during these golden months, they can develop long term emotional, mental, or physical problems. 

Many of the common problems a woman may face postpartum, such as insomnia, night sweats, hair loss, anxiety, and headaches are avoidable if she would allow herself to be cared for using the ancient building blocks of health that have been set in place by generations before us, specifically for this season… Nutrient dense food, therapeutic body care, verbal/emotional processing, and the laying aside of her normal duties/chores.

Sadly, in Western culture especially, this act of stepping outside of normal life, and into a bubble of rest for a time is looked at as a luxury, and even selfishness on the mothers part. There is a driving need in our society for woman to be more, do more, and never ask for help. While this is not altogether wrong, it doesn’t have a place during this small moment in a new mothers life. Hang Ou, author of “The First Forty Days” speaks about this very thing beautifully when she says, 

“I have pondered how the scale of possibility for a new mother has tipped so far toward isolation, exhaustion, and junk food, and away from hugs and soothing soups and stews. How did we forget to honor this fleeting period of time after birth and give it special treatment? How did we forget to put a system in place that ensured the community at large, and the mom herself, knew what to expect in the days after birth, and knew that consistent help would be there? … Could modern woman approach postpartum with new eyes, not rushing through it in a state of fatigue or stress but enjoying this short season of our lives where we get to play by totally different rules?”

Hundreds of cultures all over the world recognize this rare opportunity for healing that can take place in the woman’s body! 

In Latin America woman of the community take on the responsibilities of the mother so that she can rest. Chicken soup simmers on the stove and the mothers abdomen is wrapped in warm cloth called faja. 

In India the mother often returns to her parents home for three months, where she is helped to care for the baby, receives hot oil massages, and drinks herbal tonics. 

Korea’s postpartum tradition called samchilil requires a resting period of at least twenty one days. During this time the mother is fed nourishing broths three times a day, while the sisters, and mother massage her with shea butter daily. 

In Indonesia the mothers midwife visits daily to massage, bathe, and feed her and baby. 

In Morocco the mother hardly has to lift a finger because of all the support her community offers her. She enjoys special, steamy baths daily during which she is rubbed down in soothing clay and oil.

Rest, and care periods lasting up to forty days are traditional in Egypt, Palestine, Eastern Europe, Vietnam, Japan, China, and North America, just to name a few. In Europe and Canada there is a huge influx in postpartum doulas specializing in this kind of ancient care who make specialized house calls for weeks, so that they can feed, and nurture their clients. 

As Westerners we can see that there is a huge gap in our healthcare system, and our culture. So how do we go about filling it?  

The answer lies in our community’s commitment to partner with us, but also in a very special band of woman called postpartum doulas! 

The role of a postpartum care worker is not a babysitter, or a house maid, as it is most commonly mistaken for. While those are valuable people to have around during new motherhood, a doula’s work goes much deeper than that. 

While you nourish your baby, a postpartum doula is nourishing you. Your doula will help you to cultivate, and sustain these five traditional practices. The first is, 

Retreat 

This is probably the most important aspect of care since it mostly relies on the mother herself! It’s the practice of staying home, drawing inward, and just like a mama bird, creating a nest. It is important to emphasize that retreat doesn’t mean isolation, it just means saying no to as much activity, or as many people as you want.  This can be so hard to do, but its vital for healing, and is only successful if the mother prioritizes it. Every woman needs a different measure of time resting in the home, some more, some less, but either way, both you and your baby should be cautious about rushing out into the world too soon. In western culture a pervasive idea has spread that the mom who is out and about with her baby soonest is somehow the strongest, as if it is some sort of competition. But nothing could be farther from the truth during postpartum! The greater test is for she who is able to sit still, drink in her baby, turn from distraction and business, and funnel her energies into bonding with her baby, while healing her body. 

Warmth

Build warmth in the body through food that promotes circulation, and rekindles digestion. Inappropriate food consumption during these first weeks can result in sleep depravation, depression, and low breast milk production. Woman should ask for food that is simple, warm, nutrient dense, sweet, and high in good fat. This is a very special role that can be filled by a postpartum doula, as well as friends and family willing to roll up their sleeves and cook for a new mama. 

Support

This is all about building your village! This type of care is only possible when we find those people who will take out our trash, and wipe away our tears. Search out your friends, and members of your family if possible who will enter into the mess with you, and commit to taking care of you the way you need them to. If you feel that you don’t have access to this kind of network, or feel hesitant to ask, then think seriously about hiring a postpartum doula. 

Rest

Prioritize self care! During these days you will be busy about the work of keeping a small human alive! The enormity of this task means that in all reality you may not have the energy or mental capacity for much more than this, which is the way it should be! Rest starts with “replacing old beliefs of “never enough” with the understanding that recovering and tending to baby, for now, is more than enough.” Step back, and let others care for you and your family so that you can prioritize sleep recovery. 

Ritual

Honor yourself as a mother, and begin to tap into your own needs, and intuition. Let your partner, friends, family, or doula honor you by picking up your load, listening to you, brushing your hair, feeding you a meal, and drawing you a bath. You are immersed in a good, and very difficult work, but you don’t have to do it alone. Celebrating yourself can be as simple as standing out in the garden and crying until you feel better. It could look like sharing your birth story with a confidant, or a much needed foot rub. Whatever it is, turn away from self doubt, and remind yourself that you are already doing it well.  

Today everyone wants to hold the baby, but not the mother. Let's change that. Let's put better systems in place so that the mother in never neglected, or pushed farther that necessary. In doing this our babies receive the best version of ourselves that we can offer them, and we will be able to look back on those early days of motherhood with the sweetness, and sense of gratitude that it deserves. 

You are worth taking care of. 

Rachael Hollinger is a wife, a stay at home mama to her daughter Beatrice, Chef, Writer, and Postpartum Doula with Village Birth Collective. She lives in Lancaster Pennsylvania. You can find her on Instagram at @fieldandhome_   

Photos by Blythe Elizabeth Photo